Feeling blue.

I feel like that guy,I can´t remember his name...
He blew out his head off with a shotgun.You know,the blond one...
Oh,nevermind.
I can´t stand this.I´m too fucking insecure.Insecurity is my weak spot.
What to do about it?
What to do when there´s nothing to be done?
How to...How to be who I want to be or at least not being who I am now.
Insecure,paranoid,weak.
Word per word,touch per touch.
I´m gonna blow my head off,my brain is gonna splat so hard in the wall beside me that is gonna make a hole in it.
I don´t give a fuck if this is not written the way is supposed to,I´m just writing the way I feel.
What am I going to do?
Shall I shoot my head off or slit my wrists?
What would be better?
Being zapped in a bathtub or choked to death with a rope,hanging from the ceiling?
I can´t decide,thay all look...quite effective...


2

How do I start?Everything is beneath some kind of smoke.I can´t help feeling down.What would you think when you realize that the best thing you have you never had it and there isn´t one single chance to get it?How would you fell?

Skateboarding saved my life once but a chunk of wood with wheels cant make miracles. My whole life has been this way.

Happyness a few seconds and the...shit!

Everything goes down. Down. Down.

I´ m seriously thinking about suicide as an option,but I´m afraid... I don´t wanna suffer like this anymore.

The coup da grace is that this is only my fault,only my fault. And I feel some kind of guilt when I think thant somebody may feel bad if he or she finds my remainings slowly getting cold.But after the guilt I feel calm and quiet,because I know and You know nobody would give a fuck.

I´m not a victim,I´m just a dumbass who wants to die but is scared to death(Sounds funny doesn´t it?) about all that death and suffering stuff.

Nothing else than that.

(This thing has over a year off being rotting in a plastic bag,it was starting to smell pretty nasty)